Monday, December 26, 2005

Phew! Now that Christmas is over Santa can get back to his real passion, writing steamy romance novels. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I found two really funny Harry Potter photoshops and thought I'd share them. My only question is where do I get a crystal ball like that one? Posted by Picasa

Bong, beer and a smoke. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Good question. Posted by Picasa

Christmas is all Around

Since there's been so much Christmas music cross-blogging I thought it would be fun to mention some of my favorite Christmas novelty songs.

The Chipmunks Song by Alvin and the Chipmunks (A classic but still a novelty)

O Holy Night by Eric Cartman ("Oooooh ohhh night when I get presents!" Come on this is exactly what was going through your head on Christmas as a child.)

Christmas in the Stars by C-3PO & R2-D2 (George Lucas' Christmas gift to the world.)

Monster's Holiday by Bobby Boris Pickett (This little known sequel to The Monster Mash always makes me smile.)

I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus by RuPaul (Too weird not to mention)

Dear Santa by The Vegetales (Ugh a Vegetales song? Yes! a vegetales song, I mean come on it's got a Viking in it.)

Christmas Is All Around by Billy Mack (Bill Nighy plays Billy Mack an aging rockster in the infectious movie Love Actually. This song is sung to the tune of Love is All Around but they've changed the loves to Christmas. So bad it's good.)

...and while we are at it, why not honor the worst of the worst here as well. Avoid these at all costs.

Thistle Hair The Christmas Bear by Alabama (Not sure this actually counts as a novelty song but it sure is damn annoying.)

Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer by Elmo and Patsy (Come on who isn't just a little sick of this old chestnut.)

All I want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth by Bob Rivers (I want to cry every time I hear that teeth whistlin' noise)

Merry Christmas Santa Claus by Max Headroom (Should be cool but it's just weird)

Jingle Bells by The Barking Dogs (I think we can all agree this is the worst Christmas song of all time.)

I'm sure there are more these are just the first few that pop to mind. Feel free to comment on your most and least favorites.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Favorite Artists: Bud Root Posted by Picasa

Favorite Artists: Bud Root Posted by Picasa

Friday, December 09, 2005

Dita as Blonde Venus. I've been fooling around with photoshop as a medium for painting. I kind of like it. Posted by Picasa

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Damn it Jim, I'm a Bookseller, Not a Miracle Worker!

...though if you are looking for a copy of that play we do carry it.

An open letter to the holiday shopping community,

Christmas time in retail always brings out the strangest people. I mean really if you want to study the sociological habits of our society you should get a job in retail this time of year. People are never more emotionally honest, needy, nice, greedy and desperate than in the last few weeks leading up to this holiday. It's the few nice ones that keep you going on long busy days when there's no break in the steady stream of customers.

Unfortunately the amount of nice customers gets smaller and smaller the closer you get to December 25th while the numbers of crazy/ mean people gets larger and larger, to use an old adage mean people suck.

To define mean people, well I guess that's easy, they are usually short tempered with you or pissed when you don't have what they're looking for. I guess I can relate, I mean there is a reason for everything like maybe they just waited too long to get that item on their gift list and now we are sold out, so they take their frustration out on you by throwing things or calling you names.

Still it's not my fault that you waited too long and now the store is out of what you wanted, so please don't take your anger out on me or my fellow co-workers. Oh and please believe me when I tell you we don't have something in the back room. If I thought for one minute we might have what you were looking for in the back room I would have gone back there to look for it. We are humans too, we aren't hoarding things in the back room and laughing after you leave.

(Cut to dream sequence as the sound of Wham's Last Christmas plays overhead)
Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! That fool he was looking for the Friends giftset and I told him we were out of it! Ah, ha, ha, ha, I am now in the back room sitting ontop of a whole box of it! That fool, oh to see the look on his face one more time when I said we were out of what he asked for, just priceless!

I mean come on doesn't it just make sense that we would want to hoard product in the back room where it won't sell. We couldn't stay in business if that were the case. Sometimes I wish logic were a mandatory topic in high school.

To define crazy, I mean, well mentally unstable. I don't want to spend a half an hour on the phone with you because you are too embarrassed to use the word sperm (it was in the title of the book) with a girl. I can't give you relationship advice, nor frankly do I really want to know all that much about your personal life. Please don't call from your hospital bed because you're lonely and need someone to chat with, I'm busy, I have a job to do. Please don't threaten to sue our distributors because the item you ordered has yet to arrive I promise we do our best to get what you've ordered as quickly as possible. Again we make money by selling stuff, we are not in business to keep you waiting and we feel bad when you have to.

Please don't give me a religious pamphlet or bible or a long political diatribe, it's not the right time or setting for religious or political recruitment. It's not funny if you let a box of white mice loose in the men's room. And speaking of the bathroom, please use the toilet, do not shit on the floor or for that matter behind the store where I have to clean up after you. Oh by the way, I'm not hitting on your 80 year old husband and we certainly aren't having an affair so please stop yelling at me.

That's what I mean by crazy.

I hope, based on this diatribe, that it doesn't seem like I don't like people and don't want to help them because that is honestly not the case. Nothing in the working world gives you greater satisfaction then helping a customer to leave happy and thankful having had a wonderful experience and wanting to return.

I live to please customers, it's the best part of my job, and the most important because without the customers we go out of business. I guess all I'm asking is for a little more courtesy and respect for what I do. I may not make as much as say your average McDonald's employee but that's no reason to think I'm stupid and don't know what I'm doing.

Thanks for reading and to all nice customers and my retail workin' brethren, props ya'll, props.
With love and respect,

No This is Not a Duracell Add

In response to Samuraifrogs post on Electronic Cerebrectomy & for everyone else a cute picture: Oh but Aaron Thumper loves you he just has commitment issues. How would you feel if you spent the first year and a half of your life on newsprint soaked in your own urine and getting only negative attention? Unless you did in which case you turned out fine...I guess. Just give him time. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

I Love Big Ass Guns

Is That Freedom Rock? Well Turn it Up!

CLASSIC ROCK: You're most like the classic
rock genre. You're happy and free. Rockers from
this genre typically came from the '60s and
'70s, and so yeah...they were probably stoned a
lot too. I think we now know why you're happy
and free. Haha. Anyway, you're optimistic,
original, and creative. Some of the best rock
bands came from this particular genre like the
Rolling Stones, the Beatles, and of course, Led
Zeppelin! :)

The Rock and Roll Personality Quiz
brought to you by Quizilla

Mythic Fun


You are a chimaera. A
chimaera is a monster with three heads, usually
a lion, a goat, and a serpent. The chimaera is
a very interesting and mysterious creature. The
serpent is often interpreted as a symbol of
evil and deceit. On the other hand lions
signify courage and honor, and goats could
symbolize sustenance and prosperity. Overall
though the chimaera is the ultimate symbol of
mystery and the supernatural.

Which mythical creature resides in your soul? (11 Results + Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

Makes sense since I have a rabbit budy named Thumper

Bambi Result

Which DISNEY character are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, November 21, 2005

Which Harry Potter character are you?

Harry Potter - You are Strong. Friends and family
mean a lot to you. You will always put others
first. You don't mind a little hard work and
when you know what you want you go for it.

Which Harry Potter Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Featured Artist #1: Jim Silke Posted by Picasa

Little Indian Maid Posted by Picasa

Sigh the trials of fame, I only hope that someday some half naked woman asks me to sign her breasts as in this pic of John Waters and Johnny Knoxville. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Sunday, October 30, 2005

Happy Halloween! Posted by Picasa

Thursday, October 27, 2005

My boyfriend took me to the Brookfield Zoo yesterday for my birthday, here are some of the fun pictures I took. Don't worry I didn't get a photo of the mandrill's fucking, though I do have a picture of Leopards fucking from a previous trip. In this first picture you see a Green Tree Python.  Posted by Picasa

There's a baby gorilla in the tree on the left if you look closely enough. Posted by Picasa

This is Beta the first female Gorilla The Brookfield Zoo aquired 45 years ago. Posted by Picasa

Non-marching Penguins Posted by Picasa

Buffalo. Have you ever eaten buffalo? It's tasty. Posted by Picasa

Polar Bears. Did you know their fur is actually colorless and clear? It's true, it's the light makes it look white. Posted by Picasa

This Brown Bear is giving me the evil eye for taking his picture. Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 24, 2005

Oh and if anyone wants to get me a birthday cake, this is the one I want. Aria included of course. Posted by Picasa

Tomorrow, October 25th is my birthday. Happy Birthday to me and a few of the folks who share the birth date. Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 10, 2005

Well said Jason, well said. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Cheesy Fantasy Action Story #300,812: Part 3

Here it is the last part of AFG: Cheesy Fantasy Action Story #300,812. Special thanks to Samuraifrog with some plotting help (there's a plot?) so the ending is a very special in-joke for him. If anyone else out there can figure out the reference I'll put them in the next Action Figure Theater, or at least a toy counterpart.

I hope you enjoy!