Monday, May 30, 2005

Alternate Casting #2 He-Man

This week's alternate casting is another merchandising giant of the 80's, He-Man.

*This will be a live action version that will actually take place on Eternia not Earth, like that crappy 1987 version with Dolph Lundgren.

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe:
Prince Adam/ He-Man: Brendan Fraser (Okay, okay I guess it's obvious but I just love Brendan Fraser, he's such a talented actor and better than that he has comic timing and that's no small feat.)

Voice Cringer/ Battle Cat: Bill Murray (He's already played one big screen cat why not another?)

Teela: Jolene Blalock (Enterprises' resident Vulcan seems like she could hold her own with Teela's fighting staff, not to mention look pretty smart in that costume.)

Man at Arms(Duncan): James Cosmo (He's got that great gruff warrior veteran look about him that I think would work so well for Duncan.)

Voice of Orko: John Waters (Not that he'd ever do something like this but he has just a quirky enough voice to give Orko some life and maybe a shit fetish.)

Ram-Man: Jack Black (I had the overwhelming urge to cast Willem Defoe for obvious in-joke reasons, you know cause he's supposed to be legendarily endowed...but I went with Jack Black figuring Ram-Man would probably be more comic relief than hero.)

The Sorceress: Ornella Muti (sexy and mysterious)

Skeletor: Jason Isaacs (He has the best voice, possibly the most seductive voice on an actor since George Sanders and since the person who'll be playing skeletor will be under a ton of makeup the majority of the acting will have to be done through his voice. Not to mention he's a sexy bastard.)

Voice of Mer-Man: David Thewlis

Voice of Beast-Man: Ewan Bremner

Voice of Tri-Klops: Michael Clark Duncan

Voice of Trap-Jaw: Vinnie Jones

Evil-Lyn: Maggie Chueng (Evil-Lyn was always my favorite when I was growing up and Maggie has the right combination of sexiness and fighting ability to do this character justice.)

As always I'd love to hear your casting ideas.

1 comment:

SamuraiFrog said...

You know, I'm convinced now that only way you could do a movie version of "Masters of the Universe" is to ambrace how inherently gay it is. I mean, it is really, really gay. Doing one of those big, overblown Bazz Luhrman movies might actually tone the thing down a little...

Anyway, here's my own cast for a very gay version of "MotU."

Prince Adam/He-Man: Brendan Fraser would have been good before he got all fat. But since this is a movie about homos, I guess Colin Farrell seems appropriate it. Except that I hate him so fucking much. How about Ralf Moeller, who played Conan on TV? Even gayer, Prince Adam could be Aaron Carter.

Voice of Cringer/Battle Cat: Someone over-the-top. Patrick Warburton.

Teela: Fledgling gay icon Scarlett Johansson.

Man-at-Arms: Tom Selleck. With a big moustache.

Voice of Orko: I guess John Waters works. Or you can go really silly and make it Martin Short. Or Rip Taylor.

Ram-Man: Ron Jeremy.

The Sorceress: Cher.

Skeletor: This could be anyone, really. I mean, shirtless and dyed blue, how gay can you get? Jason Isaacs is too good an actor for the vein I'm flowing in right now. Instead, Rupert Everett.

Mer-Man: Joe Pantoliano.

Beast-Man: Fabio in fur, baby.

Tri-Klops: Orlando Bloom, obviously.

Trap-Jaw: Vinnie Jones would be good, but not in a gay version. Instead, this could be Jason Isaacs. Or Tim Curry.

Evil-Lyn: Current dyke-on Gina Gershon.

Well, I am straight, so that's as gay as I could come up with. Did I say gay enough times? Gay gay gay.