Sunday, October 15, 2006

Nothing to Throw a Stake At: The Top 20 Sexiest Performances in a Horror Movie, With Pictures

With Halloween approaching I thought I would put together a list of the sexiest performances in horror movies. Please feel free to comment, tell me if I've missed any.

And now here is the list...

20. Lisa Bonet as Epiphany Proudfoot in Angel Heart
Yes on the bottom of this formidable list is Lisa Bonet in the roll so sexy that it got her kicked off The Cosby Show. When Epiphany (her name is an obvious hint to the eventual outcome of this movie if you know the ending) is not playing the femme fatale in this hard-boiled horror film, makes a living as Voodoo priestess and takes care of her kid which is a lot of responsibility for a 17 year old girl. Her sexiest scene involves a bloody Voodoo ritual dance. There's a picture below, check it out.

19. Mindy Clarke as Julie Walker in Return of the Living Dead III
Not to be confused with George Romero's zombie flims are the Return of the Living Dead movies. The first two movies are completely forgettable but some how part three gives us not only one of the sexiest but most memorable horror characters of all time, mind Clarke as zombie cutie Julie Walker. Oh sure she's changed her name to Melinda Clarke now...guess she wanted to be taken seriously or something...but I'll never forget the moment when zombie Julie emerges from the sewers in black leather, her skin pierced with glass and metal.

18. Jennifer Tilly as Jennifer Tilly in Seed of Chucky I say wow yet? Gosh I'm in love with Jennifer Tilly, in an era Hollywood where curves are illegal she defies the conventional body image and thank god! Playing a caricature of herself, in Seed of Chucky Jennifer plays the screaming victim in low cut dresses and high heels. She makes this movie worth watching.

17. Elsa Lanchaster as Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley/ The Monster's Mate in The Bride of Frankenstein
Is there a more classic female image in horror movies? Elsa Lanchaster as the bride has those wonderfully expressive eyes that say it all. Random piece of trivia Lanchaster received a mere $2,500 to play The Bride.

16. Salma Hayek as Santanico Pandemonium in From Dusk Till Dawn
Possibly the coolest named movie character on this list, possibly ever, Salma Hayek plays the vampy (in more ways than one) Santanico Pandemonium an exotic dancer at Mexican dive The Titty Twister. As part of her amazing routine she fiddles with a snake and does body shots off her toes, watch out though, she bites.

15. Zita Johann as Helen Grosvenor/Princess Anck-es-en-Amon in The Mummy
Before the big budget Stephen Sommers movie came the big budget Universal film from the 30's starring Boris Karloffand Zita Johann. As in most films about mummys Johann plays a duel role as Helen Grosvenor a well to do society girl and Anck-es-en-Amon an ancient Egyptian beauty whom she is reincarnated from. Johann etherial and amazing in white plays the perfect victim.

14. Geena Davis as Odette in Transylvania 6-5000
Okay, okay I know I'm the only person in the world who enjoys this movie...and if you think that's bad I'll even admit to the fact that I've watched my copy of DVD with commentary from the writer and director. It's a fascinating commentary coming from two old school hollywood comedy writers...hey wasn't this a list of sexy women? Yeah alright back on topic. Geena Davis plays Odette in this horror comedy, a "vampire" who sneaks into Ed Begley jr.'s room at night to seduce him, something I am willing to bet could only happen in the movies. In any case if you don't remember this movie then you are bound to remember her costume check it out. That little bow tie is so cute!

13. Simone Simon as Irena Dubrovna in Cat People
French actress Simone Simon plays the mysterious and ethereal cat woman (whom cats oddly dislike)in a movie that has less horror than you'd imagine. Don't look in her eyes there are some things a woman doesn't want other women to understand.

12. Asia Argento as Slack in George A. Romero's Land of the Dead
I have a weakness for girls who wear fishnets so how could I overlook the lovely Miss Asia Argento as Slack. The scene towards the beginning of the movie where she is forced to battle a zombie chained to the ground and caged is one of the more awesome sights in a recent movie.

11. Sadie Frost as Lucy Westenra in Bram Stoker's Dracula
Here it is, the one and only time that Sadie Frost has ever been transcendently beautiful. In this most recent retelling of the Dracula story Frost plays Lucy the flirtatious redhead with more suitors than she knows what to do with. Unfortunately one of them has sharp pointy teeth and the ability to make a grown girl mad...or at least frolic topless through the garden. Where do I sign up for those powers?

10. Fay Wray as Ann Darrow in King Kong
The original screamer Fay Wray had it all; looks, a promising career and a giant monkey. I'm so jealous.

9. Vanessa Redgrave as Sister Jeanne in The Devils
Twisted at birth in more ways than one, Sister Jeanne is the stunning red-headed mother superior of a group of repressed nuns in Ken Russell's, The Devils. When a charismatic, sexy priest enters the picture Sister Jeanne begins to have sinful thoughts and the movie eventual comes to a horrific, orgiastic ending you'll never forget.

8. Monica Bellucci as Sylvia in The Brotherhood of the Wolf
Aside from being a talented actress, Monica Bellucci is one of the most beautiful, sensual looking women in the world. In Brotherhood she plays a curvy, often naked, mysterious fortune teller/ whore(is there any other kind in a movie like this?) with a secret.

7. Sarah Jesscica Parker as Sarah Sanderson in Hocus Pocus
Before she was on that annoying Sex and the City show Sarah Jessica Parker was actually cute, but never more so than this movie, bubbly, cute and fun Sarah Sanderson is one witch I want to get to know a little better. In her sexiest scene Sarah takes a cleavagey flight across the night sky calling all the children to her cauldron with a song ala Pied Piper.

Click here to watch that scene:

By the way if anyone can direct me to a copy of this song I would be ever so grateful.

6. Stephanie Beacham as Jessica Van Helsing in Dracula A.D. 1972
Having grown up in the 80's I really only knew Stephanie Beacham as an overdressed conservative TV actress like her role as Sister Kate on the TV show of the same name. So seeing Stephanie Beacham as the buxom heroine of this movie really blew me away. I have no idea how Christopher Lee can keep eye contact.

5. Sheri Moon Zombie as Baby Firefly in The Devil's Rejects
As sexy as Sheri Moon was in House of a 1000 Corpses she's that much more sexy in The Devil's Rejects. Baby Firefly is a bi-polar killer who can be bubbly and fun one minute and psycho killer the next. I tell you I can think of worse ways to die.

4. Cassandra Peterson as Elvira in Elvira, Mistress of the Dark
After spending all those years as TV horror movie hostess with the mostess, Cassandra Peterson is the reigning queen of horror. Cheesy and silly as this movie is it has a very special place in my heart, if only for the Vegas floor show at the end.

Haven't seen it? Click here to watch:

3. Ingrid Pitt as Countess Elisabeth Nodosheen in Countess Dracula
In the history of horror there are few women who played so many strong, independent characters, Ingrid Pitt was one of those women. In Countess Dracula she plays a Countess Bathory-like character who kills young women and bathes in their blood to stay young. There is almost nothing as sexy as watching Ingrid Pitt bathe in blood, see the picture below. She wanted to bathe in more blood but the director would not let her, it caused a big argument on the set.

2. Elsa Martinelli as Georgia Monteverdi and Annette Vadim as Carmilla in Blood and Roses
Directing his then wife Annette, Roger Vadim based this then modern update of the vampire story on the novel Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu the first Vampire novel and the story that greatly influenced Bram Stoker in the writing of Dracula. The beautiful Annette plays the vampire Carmilla who spends the whole movie seducing the equally beautiful Elsa Martinelli. I could watch vampire lesbians forever. This movie has yet to be released on DVD...let's go people!

1. Ingrid Pitt as Marcilla/ Carmilla/ Mircalla Karnstein and Madeline Smith as Emma Morton in The Vampire Lovers
Is there anything better than a lesbian vampire movie? Obviously I don't think so considering my top two are lesbian vampire match-ups. The Vampire Lovers is also based on Sheridan Le Fanu's novel Carmilla only this time under the watchful eye of Hammer director Roy Ward Baker and Ingrid Pitt in the Carmilla role. Like all the best vampire movies The Vampire Lovers has one great tragic love story played out by the amazingly sexy Ingrid Pitt and the wide-eyed beauty Madeline Smith. Of course a girls gotta eat so their are lots of other gorgeous lady victims to keep the viewer occupied. If you can only see one lesbian vampire movie in your lifetime then this is the one to see.


Anonymous said...

Finally! The amazing power of Jennifer Tilly's best role has been acknowledged! I don't even REMEMBER how I felt about her before I fell in love with her in this masterpiece.

Becca said...

And it is a masterpiece. I wish she would get the opportunity to be in more movies.

Anonymous said...

Yowzah! I will dream of Elvira... (like I don't already)

Excellent blog! I was pointed here by señor Coop's writings. I've got a mp3 of that Sarah Jessica Parker song from Hocus Pocus, Where would one send a copy of such a treat?

Anomie-Atlanta said...

Sadie Frost, excellent taste Becca.

J. T. Drake said...

What happened to Sharon Tate in The Fearless Vampire Killers and Terry Garr in Young Frankenstein? I would without a doubt put them in 'my' top 20 (even 10!)

Becca said...

Those are great aditions, I had completely forgotten about Sharon Tate, but I have to admit as cute as she is in Young Frankenstein I've never been a big fan of Terri Garr.

Anonymous said...

Awesome list; Joe Bob Briggs would be proud. How 'bout Amanda Donahoe in "Lair of the White Worm"?

Becca said...

That is the coolest compliment I could have ever received!

And as far as Amanda Donahoe goes, I've never been a big fan personally but I very much understand her popularity.

Mortuis said...

Okay, this is waaaaaaaay old, but if you still need "Come, Little Children", I have it on mp3. Just let me know where to send it.

Private Beach said...

Madeline Smith never became quite as big a star as she should have been, but she was fun in comic roles like in "Up Pompeii".