Thursday, December 21, 2006

The Worst Holiday TV Specials

1. The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)- It is Lifeday, a holiday that is celebrated on Chewbacca's home planet Kashyyyk (try and say that three times fast). Chewie and Han Solo are trying to get to the planet where Chewie's family is waiting for him, but the empire is out searching for the rebels, giving everyone a hard time. In the meantime we get a chance to meet all the familiar characters from Star Wars and get a special introduction to an animated Bobba Fett.

Fanboys have drooled over bootleg copies of this for years. I myself had been anxious to see it as well impressed by it's legendary status but when I finally got to see it...well let's just say I was more than a little dissapointed. I dare you to try and watch the whole thing. And hey if you can make it all the way to the end through it's hack writing and many guest stars like Bea Arthur, Art Carney and Harvey Korman, you get a special treat, a singing Carrie Fisher.

Part 1
Sorry no one posted a part 1! But I'm pretty sure you wont get lost if you start with part 2.

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2. The Christmas Shoes (2002)- Two separate stories mesh - in the first, a young music teacher, Maggie Andrews, begins dying of a heart condition and her son Nathan tries to get a pair of Christmas shoes for her before she dies. In the second, lawyer Robert Layton and his wife Kate are slowly drifting apart and the matter comes to a head during Christmas when Kate takes over for Maggie for the school choir and declines a job in Robert's firm. When Robert's mother passes away, he begins to reconsider things and his and Nathan's paths cross on Christmas Eve as Nathan tries to raise the money for the shoes and Robert tries to get a present for his daughter.

Ugh! Did you make it all the way through that description? The story based on a popular Christmas song is so schmaltzy and sappy it makes my skin crawl. Fuck you Rob Lowe and fuck your Christmas shoes.

Someone has this whole damn movie on Youtube but I just cannot post it.

3. The He-Man Christmas Special (1985)- In this special Christmas team-up, He-Man, She-Ra's pal Orko accidentally gets beamed to Earth (of course) during a test of a new spy satellite. Orko manages to get back Planet Eternia, but brings along two Earth children, Alisha and Manuel, with him. Since it's Christmastime on Earth, the kids are naturally filled with the holiday spirit, but this overflowing goodwill attracts the unwelcome attention of the Horde Prime and Skeletor. Will the combined power of He-Man, She-Ra and the spirit of Christmas be enough to stop them?

Uh...what? Man that's lame. Watch this clip with Skeletor, you'll never think of him the same.

4. Christmas Comes to Pac-Land (1982)- Wow I wish I had forgotten about this one but alas, I just can't. Man this is bad. It's almost hard to believe there was a Pac-Man cartoon.
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5. The Alf Christmas Special (1987)- Hilarity ensues as ALF and the Tanners prepare to spend Christmas vacation in a cabin. When the owner comes to visit them, ALF accidently jumps into his trunk and he is taken to a hospital where he is given away as a Christmas gift to a little girl.

This was actually such an important episode they had to give it a second part.

6. The Night They Saved Christmas (1984)- An oil company is exploring two Arctic sites for oil. The needed blasting at the first site rocks Santa Claus' North Pole village. He realizes that any blasting at the second site will destroy his home. He enlists the aid of a woman and her children to convince her husband (who works for the company) that the first site is where the oil they want is. Along the way, Santa explains all his secrets in delivering presents all around the world.

This movie had an all-star TV cast including Art Carney, Jacklyn Smith and Paul Williams (not to mention the thing was directed by Jackie Cooper). Man I just realized Art Carney who plays Santa in this movie appears twice on this list. Sad.

7. The Smurfs Christmas Special (1982)- The Smurfs come to the rescue of two children and their grandfather when an evil mysterious stranger shows up and causes their sleigh to turn over, forcing them to seek help and inadvertently bring Gargamel in on the action. It never really took that much to bring Gargamel into the action did it?

8. A Claymation Christmas Celebration (1987)- Two hosting prehistoric dinosaurs guide you along a typical small town's Christmas choral celebration. There's just one catch, the entire town population is made out of clay! Special Guest Stars: The California Raisins!

Anyone else remember those tiresome California Raisins? My mom used to have a promotional tape of the California Raisins singing oldies. It was as bad as you would think.

9. The Spirit of Christmas (1950)- EEEEEEK marionettes! Yes a nearly all marionette cast perform a dramatization of "The Night Before Christmas" and a performance of the Nativity. Man I hate marionettes.

10. Babes in Toyland (1986)- 11-year-old Lisa has no time for toys; she's too busy taking care of her siblings and cooking for her mother. During the Christmas Eve blizzard, Lisa travels to Toyland in Wizard of Oz-like fashion and arrives just in time for a wedding. Young Mary Contrary is about to marry mean, old Barnaby Barnacle, despite the fact that she loves Jack Be Nimble. Lisa tries to stop this terrible wedding and, together with her new friends, discovers that Barnaby wants to take over Toyland. Lisa, Mary, Jack, and Georgie Porgie ask the Toymaster for help, but he can't help them as long as Lisa doesn't truly believe in toys.

Another TV movie with an "all-star" cast this one featured Drew Barrymore as Lisa and Keanu Reeves as Jack. I have no idea how a movie can be so over the top yet so boring!


Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I remember most of these. I can't bring myself to watch the Star Wars one. I think the reason George Lucas sat on it for so long is it was foreshadowing of suckiness to be in the Star Wars universe.

by the way, that clip of Skeletor with the children...I never noticed how much he sounds like a really bad Edward G. Robinson impression.

Domenic said...
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