Friday, December 05, 2008

Nora Clavicle and the Ladies Crime Club vs Batman!

At a luncheon to honor Police Commissioner Gordon Bruce Wayne and his young ward Dick Grayson celebrate with a toast. Of course Dick is too young for alcohol so he's responsibly drinking milk...

Oh commissioner you are soooo cool...

Enter the hen-pecked mayor and his wife.

Mayor: Commissioner you've done an excellent job through the years but I'm sorry, I'm going to have to fire you.

Gordon: "whaaaaa?

Mayor: I'm sorry it's my see she won't clean or cook or do my laundry til I install famous feminist activist Nora Clavicle as Commissioner.

Enter Nora Clavicle!

Batman as the new police commissioner I have fired the all male police force and replaced them with an all female force...for I am a feminist...girl power! And we won't be needing your masculine Bat-help around here any longer.

She hung up on me Alfred.

Meanwhile Nora sends her feminist goons to rob the Gotham City Bank! You see she's not just a feminist, she's also a crook.

Thank god that all female police force is on the

Bank Manager: Um excuse me officer but they are robbing the bank.
Female Officer: Like oh my god shut up! I'm fixing my lip gloss!

Bank Manager: Excuse me, officers the bank is being robbed!
Officer Female: Shhh, we were just exchanging the most to die for cassarole recipe! So after you add the cream of mushroom soup you do what now?

Bank Manager: Officer! The bank is being robbed!
Officer Female the second: Robbed? Why is there a sale?

Bank Manager: Oh thank god Batman! The bank has just been robbed!

Batman: I was afraid something like this might happen, come Robin lets go back to the Batcave the

Batman: Clavicle! We tracked you down to your feminist hideout, an abandoned yarn factory!

Clavicle: Stay away Batman and Robin or I'll knit one, pearl two all over Batgirl here!

Clavicle: Now instead of putting you into some giant Rube Goldbergesque death machine I am going to knit the three of you together into a deadly knot of death! Really!

Clavicle: Now that Batman is out of the way we'll set our real plan in motion, to send thousands of explosive mechanical mice to roam around Gotham until sunset when they are set to explode destroying Gotham! Really! It's the feminist thing to do.

Eeeek! tiny mechanical mice! We are women and we are scared of mice!

Batman: Well since the entire police force is made up of women, and we know that all women are afraid of mice we must save Gotham ourselves and here is the plan. We will take a note from the pied piper and use these recorders to lure the mechanical mice away from Gotham before they explode!

Batman: It worked! Feminism has been defeated!

Alfred: Yes, Master I mean Batman, Feminism will be going away for a long time.

Worst episode of Batman ever! That really was the plot in a nutshell...


Richard said...

I don't know how I managed to avoid this one for all these years!

Probably to no one's surprise, it turns out the Siamese Human Knot has quite the fan following among kinky fetishists online. Google the phrase and you'll see. But what I wonder is why the name "Nora Clavicle" sounds so similar to that of James Joyce's wife Nora Barnacle? Was Stanford Sherman (writer of Krull and The Ice Pirates) a Joyce scholar? Was his mother frightened by a copy of Finnegan's Wake when she was pregnant? I must know!

wiec? said...

when i was a kid Batman used to be on just as i got home from school. i never missed it. i knew vincent price was egg head. tuco from the good bad and ugly was mr freeze. but i never saw this one. even at the tender age of 7 i'da remembered the deadly siamese human knot. yikes.

thanks for the cliff notes version of this best forgotten episode.

one thing though. could that bank manager's sign be any bigger. geez.

Will said...

I liked the night time city background. Other than that...crap

Anonymous said...

I disagree. The worst episode of Batman ever was the episode where the villains are invisible, Batman decides to turn off the lights to even the odds, and the usual BAMM! BIFF! and POWW! stuff aired over a very dimly lit studio. Of course, it was doen that way to try and reduce the cost of filming the show.

Not saying this episode's not bad, but far from the worst.

Anonymous said...

I am happy that recently I acquired all of the Batman episodes. I find them to be pretty clever really with lots of gags and parodies that make more sense to me than when I was 10 years old.

Good post Becca


Becca said...

Holy cow is it a real thing? The siamese human knot? Not that I remember exactly what the Batman people called it...

And you know I wouldn't be surprised if Nora Clavicle was a reference...creepy...And everyone with half a brain is a fraid of Finnegan's Wake. It's like the arachnid response ;)

I rewatched Eli Wallach as Mr. Freeze recentl and was surprised how bad I thought he was. George Sanders and Otto Preminger are awesome but Wallach who is a GREAT actor outside of Batman was pretty dull.

AND no kidding about the bank manager's sign! Everything on this show has a giant label! It's creepy!

On Smash-
Yeah it is the cheapest set, but it's minialism looks really stylized and neat! THink they blew the budget on those mechanical mice.

I just saw that one a couple weeks ago and while that's not a very good episode It's almost not memorable enough for me to call it the worst episode. Plus the Clavicle episode has the distinct honor of being so ridiculously offensive to women.

Kudos to the Ida Lupino/ Invisible enemies episode for using doubles to bring Catwoman, Joker, Penguin, Ridler, Egghead and Tut together though! Probably on a list of the 5 or 10 worst episodes though. Gosh this was a fun and silly show :)

So jealous! Bout the only way you can get them in the US is bootleg and I'm always so apprhensive about buying bootlegged videos. I've not had the best of luck...

And you are right I think you can really appreciate all the inside jokes, insane logic and nuerotic labeling much more as an adult.

ThoughtCriminal said...

One thing my 6-year old brain had a hard time understanding was the universal tilt that was characteristic of all super-villain hideouts. I naturally assumed that the building really was tilted, but couldn't figure out why it seemed to shift from left to right even when looking at the same wall. I concluded that the hideout must be like a see-saw!

sexy said...
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david_b said...

Yes, this was a painful episode to watch.. Other issues after the first year..:

1) The BOW/BIFF animation were no longer superimposed over the action ~ They were on their own colored background, saving time in filming fight scenes, so the actors wouldn't have to be lined up exactly right.
2) Especially in the third year, Aunt Harriet was gone. Adam West correctly assessed the entire balance of the series was destroyed when she left. She added that perfect sense of timing, credibility, and aplomp to the show.
3) The writing was horrible and unimaginative, the tension was gone and without that, the subtle humor doesn't work.
4) Add to that, the awful 'fight/romp music' they over-used and the backdrops (not actual sets) to save costs. Loved Yvonne Craig's addition, but she wasn't used well and made Burt Ward almost non-existant. They played up her bondage near the end of the season quite a bit, just to make the best of the situation.

(Which worked very well..: Curvy dancers dressed in tight purple spandex do it for me every time now..)

The first year's still the best.

Becca said...

Totally miss the bows and the biffs but at least they have Yvonne Craig now so that's definitely a plus! My gosh she was a gorgeous woman.

I heard an interview with her a few years ago and she talked about how exciting she was when she got the role on Batman and how the money they offered her was fantastic! For awhile she even considered setting up grants for dancing students but then reality hot that she would only be working a few months out of the year and had to spread that money out to support herself. She stills seems like a such a sweet gal.

I thought Aunt Harriet was great too but I heard that they added her to the show because some idiotic people felt it was er...seemingly unhealthy... for a grown man to live with a teenage boy... yikes! I guess there was a similar thing on Doctor Who where the Doctor was always "forbidden" from affectionately touching or hugging male characters for fear of the seemingly same "unhealthy relationship". It's all so silly.

And finally yeah that writing was awful! But the actors they got nearly always made it work. Oh the cheesy charm of Batman :)